I gave up. There I said it. I gave you up. 
Or it could have been the other way around, but does it matter? 
I gave up trying to communicate with you because you weren't listening.
I gave up because it became too difficult, heck life is still on going with or without the drama. 
Somewhere in between I chose to keep you hidden as well. 
Deep within the pile of work I have, 
Deep within this fine line between being depressed all the time and happy.

I chose happy, ironic isn't it? I'm pretty sure that's what you did as well and yet, I find it hard to accept you did that. All at the expense of well, me. 

Once in a while I'll be reminded of you and I would check on you, but boy your posts will never fail to sadden me. All the while I felt that could have been me. 

I gave you up because you had no room for me, not anymore.
I gave you up because the drama would've cost me my life.
I gave you up because I know I can be better without you.
At least I am free.

Are you free?

you.

And you walked away.
We haven't even solve the problem
You haven't stopped to ask how I feel
Have you ever wondered it's been how I envisioned things to be my entire life
And to you it's just as simple as 123, we cant.
You say we can replace this part, how?
And you walked away.
Like nothing happened, your life continued on
Your game continued on
Your poker continued on
You happily waltz off leaving me behind in the dark to rummage through my feelings
Leaving me alone to deal with dissapointment
Did you stop and ask how I'm feeling?

You said it out it's because of my ego.
Even after all the pain he caused
All that he's put me through, it was my choice due to ego?

What about that promise you made?
Why do I have a feeling it will never happen.

I heard it somewhere, you only 'pen' down notes when you're feeling your worst; it's true.

I'm angry and it's all I feel whenever I have to join another reunion in the name of some tradition and culture.

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'Hate is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemy' - has been my mantra to keep myself sane. But Mandala fail to tell me what should I do when I'm angry. Left alone, stranded, and angry what do I do?

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You failed to communicate with me before you left, we must be unimportant. To be exact, you never did. You're that selfish.

kthxbye.

This is harder than I thought
Working without passion
With little to no interest
Constantly having to move the mountain of blockage

Yet the hardest is not when I get stuck
It is not when I am trying to find my way, my passion, my interest, ideas
Not when I am struggling to survive in the midst of all these emotional turmoil
It is at most the hardest when I am trying to share this frustration, share this blockage
I have no one to share with
No one who would fully understand the constant tug of war within myself

You are there, but not there
You listen but not listening
You understand but do not understand

There will always be an inevitable situation

You are there, but not there
You listen but not listening
You understand but do not understand

There will always be an inevitable situation

As it goes on repeat like a broken player